Recently I had the opportunity to speak with a large group of young teens. At one point we were talking about parents and kids and I asked them to say what came to mind when they thought of the phrase “Daddy’s girl”. The responses were things like cute, endearing, not as desirable as being a soccer star or prom queen, but generally positive. I then asked them what came to mind when they thought of the phrase “Mama’s boy”. The nervous giggles from the girls and the horrified faces of the boys told the tale. Yet Mama’s boy is the exact mirror relationship to Daddy’s girl. We talked about how boy’s attachment to their mothers can be stigmatized at a very young age, and how unfair this is to boys. Well-meaning parents can easily buy into the idea that Moms should detach from their sons, assuming closeness will prevent them growing up to “be men”.

In fact, research on families does not bear this out, but rather that boys who maintain a secure attachment to their mothers grow up to be stronger, less vulnerable, and more confident. For a boy or teen to feel he has lost the love and support of his mother is a significant loss, and one that can be re-enacted in his adult relationships with women. Let’s not perpetuate this outmoded and destructive idea on the boys and young men in our lives!

Thanksgiving is a lovely holiday. Its reason for being has pretty much remained intact: to be with those we care about and to metabolize not only good food but good things. Thanksgiving is wonderfully inclusive, and is not predicated on faith in a particular religion or allegiance to a particular group. Even the parade is just for fun. On the other hand, while affirming and enjoying all that Thanksgiving offers, we need to be honest, and proactive, about Thanksgiving Past and Thanksgiving Future. The First Pilgrim Thanksgiving that we commemorate would not have been possible without the help and support of Native Americans. That small British band of immigrants would not have survived without the Wampanoag Indians, and those who proudly chart their heritage back to the Mayflower would not exist.

Yet only 50 years after that First Thanksgiving, the Wampanoag people were no longer free; this being only the beginning of the systematic genocide of Native Americans by European immigrants. It would be as if modern Mexicans began the systematic genocide of White Americans. Forthright honesty is an essential prerequisite to healing, whether it is between individuals, ethnic groups, or nation states.

And, finally, in terms of future Thanksgivings, commercialism is now encroaching on one of the only major holidays that has so far been able to escape it. “Black Friday” is meant to put retailers in the black, while possibly putting shoppers in the red. Black Friday has now officially invaded the late-day hours of Thanksgiving Day itself, and will continue to metastasize unless we refuse to participate.

Outdoor Halloween decorations are getting scarier.  Fake headstones, skeletons coming out of the ground, and huge, lifelike tarantulas are everywhere.  Cute scarecrows, friendly ghosts, and even pumpkins are becoming scarce.  I myself don’t find anything enticing about a sign, dripping blood, which reads “Yul B Next” or a roadside mailbox draped with a massive spider.  However, a quick walk around the neighborhood shows not everyone feels as I do, and enjoy their ghoulish displays.  This is as it should be, except when it concerns very young children, especially those aged 1 to 4.  Young children are not developmentally capable of separating reality and fantasy; they aren’t able to distinguish between what is real and what just looks real.  As much as he might want to, a two year old cannot be convinced that a fake spider which looks real is, in fact, fake.  His brain has not developed to the point where he can make those distinctions.  A trick-or-treater wearing a creepy mask can be truly frightening to a small child, and can precipitate nightmares and other symptoms of anxiety.  Young children may need to be shielded from the more graphic parts of Halloween.  In just a few years, they will be knocking on doors in a scary mask of their own choosing.