Bullying

Bullies are not just found on the playground, but also in our own families.  The most blatant is the awful reality of verbal, physical and sexual abuse.  Bullying can also be latent, as in aggression that is expressed in a passive manner.  Hurtful remarks explained away as jokes, contemptuous looks, repeatedly “forgetting” promises, violating personal boundaries, and giving the “silent treatment” are all examples of passive-aggressive behaviors that can do significant damage to a relationship.  Trying to deal with these behaviors can feel like fighting shadows, especially since the bully rarely takes responsibility, and can be quite good at shifting blame to the victim.  It is important to recognize that it is rarely productive to try and negotiate with this sort of bully.  Trying to do so can make us feel guilty, confused, and can actually further embolden the bully. Passive-aggressive bullying must be blocked, strategized, or outfoxed.  We need to clearly see intimidation, deceit, and broken promises as an abuse of power in a relationship.