It has been said that a family is as healthy as its secrets. In other words, family members who keep secrets put the health of the entire family at risk. Secrets can be kept for a variety of reasons, but issues the family considers taboo or shameful are most common. Secrets can also be kept to protect the reputation or authority of a family member. Taboo subjects can include premarital pregnancy, mental health problems, sexual abuse, or criminal activity. A family may protect a patriarch, living or dead, who had an affair or a drinking problem. Family secrets exist to preserve the prevailing status quo within the family. And just like within organizations or nations, the status quo within a family almost always serves to protect the interests of its more powerful members, even at the expense of its stated ideals or values. If a family member has the courage to ferret out and talk about the secret, he will most likely be maligned, gaslighted, or shunned. However, the truth-teller is actually doing the family a great service, because truth must always precede healing. I have known grandchildren whose apparently dysfunctional behavior is actually a re-enactment of a grandparent’s secret deeds. When the secret is brought to light, the dysfunctional behavior ends. It is so important that we uphold and affirm the truth-tellers in our midst.
Bless you for spending some time to explain this to we who are inexperienced.
Truth always trumps lies
Personal safety chosen
Puts shame in its place
Truth tellers are a courageous band of mindful risk takers. May they thrive and flourish in the light their candor creates.