Grief: Handle With Care

Losing someone we love is something we dread.  Even if the loss is a pet, a job, a relocation, or a stage of life, the longing and the emptiness that follows is truly a forbidding experience.  And when the loss involves a beloved person, our suffering can feel beyond words, beyond endurance, and beyond hope.  Whether we were estranged from the one we’ve lost, or present to the end to attend their every need, grief and guilt go hand in hand with dreadful regularity.  Because there are neither perfect people nor perfect relationships, the guilt is generally misplaced, but it seems to haunt us nonetheless. While it used to be thought there were stages to the grieving process, it is in fact the randomness of grief that is one of its more difficult aspects.  Grief is prone to surprise attacks, and we never know when a place, a sound, or an object will plunge us into the depths of despair and anguish.  It is at these times that just attending to the basics of our lives is an act of courage, and should be seen and experienced as such.  During those times it takes resolve to hang on or to keep on, despite misbegotten advice to move on.  If grief is a journey, over time the path does tend to smooth out, but there are no universal road maps, nor necessarily an end point. We need to respect the terrible significance of grief.  And we need to relate to a grieving person, whether it be ourselves or another, with the utmost gentleness and care.  Those who are grieving have much to teach us about love.