It has been said that a family is as healthy as its secrets.  In other words, family members who keep secrets put the health of the entire family at risk.  Secrets can be kept for a variety of reasons, but issues the family considers taboo or shameful are most common.  Secrets can also be kept to protect the reputation or authority of a family member.  Taboo subjects can include premarital pregnancy, mental health problems, sexual abuse, or criminal activity.  A family may protect a patriarch, living or dead, who had an affair or a drinking problem. Family secrets exist to preserve the prevailing status quo within the family.  And just like within organizations or nations, the status quo within a family almost always serves to protect the interests of its more powerful members, even at the expense of its stated ideals or values.  If a family member has the courage to ferret out and talk about the secret, he will most likely be maligned, gaslighted, or shunned.  However, the truth-teller is actually doing the family a great service, because truth must always precede healing.  I have known grandchildren whose apparently dysfunctional behavior is actually a re-enactment of a grandparent’s secret deeds.  When the secret is brought to light, the dysfunctional behavior ends.  It is so important that we uphold and affirm the truth-tellers in our midst.

Introverts often get a bad rap in our culture.  While extroverts are generally described as outgoing, assertive, easygoing, and friendly;  for introverts we reserve words like loner, shy, reserved, and withdrawn.  We tend to place more value on extroversion, and parents can tend to feel that there’s something amiss with a quiet child.  I think it behooves us to be curious as to why this is so.  Some cultures place a high value on contemplative natures and less on emotional expressiveness, traits very much in line with our definition of introversion.  So it’s interesting to note that other people see things a lot differently when it comes to a continuum of socialness. And with that in mind, we can consider becoming more open-minded about the introverts among us, and begin to think of extroversion and introversion as the yin and yang of social presentation.  We can value introspection as we value gregariousness; and we can value reserve as we do expansiveness.  I love the life of the party – who doesn’t?  But when the party’s over, I prefer the quiet one.

Unfortunately, all of us are likely to encounter a sociopath at least once in our lives.  They are all too common.  Most sociopaths are not violent criminals, but all lack a fundamental prerequisite for being fully human: a conscience. Like narcissists, they also lack a capacity for empathy, the ability to put themselves in another’s shoes.  No real consensus exists in the literature as to whether a sociopath and a psychopath are one and the same; which possibly reflects our lack of knowledge concerning this disorder.  Some say that psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made, for example as a result of serious childhood abuse.  Others say the terms are interchangeable.  While a callous disregard for the well-being of others is the hallmark of a sociopath, he or she is generally very good at hiding this.  As a matter of fact, sociopaths present themselves as exceptionally charming, agreeable, and likable.  If we meet someone who seems too good to be true, they probably are.  They confuse us; we find it hard to figure them out.  Also, a sociopath is a master at playing the victim.  They excel at always making it seem like someone else is a fault.  A sociopath is a consummate liar, and will lie for any reason, or for no particular reason.  He or she will mistreat children or animals for sport.  And what most people find most difficult to comprehend – the sociopath does not experience remorse or emotional pain in response to their callous and heartless behavior.  It is the people exposed to the sociopath who feel pain, and the closer one is, the more intense the suffering.  The only effective solution is to get away.  The mental health field should spend more time studying sociopathy, for all our sakes.